The Flawless Five fighting for Finubar, the Phoenix King

[MacHurto]

Well, the Hochland Hailers journey is at an end, so decided to change gears and play High Elves, as people who play them seem to be the same group of people that reads my reports (so, nobody ).

For the team name, I wanted to go for alliteration as is customary, but something over the top as they are snobbish high elves. Think I managed that. The name comes from the fact the team has 5 positionals. Linemen are just their bodyguards. So, The Flawless Five fighting for Finubar, the Phoenix King (shortened to Flawless Five) will be trying to go for the title in a 2 season run, I guess. Let's see how it goes.

PRESEASON MATCH 1

Flawless Five vs Symptoms of Disease

TD 3-0
CAS 1-1 (1 Kill for the Five even though, technically, it was a failed dodge)

The first match starring the Flawless Five hit the news and a throng of elven fans flocked to the stadium, hoping to see the legendary warriors play Blood Bowl. However, most were deterred by the foul odors of their first adversary, Symptoms of Disease, and went back home.

With Galandriel Silverwater in the sidelines, the Five kicked in the first half and... Did I say Five? Actually Prince Fingalfin flat out refused to join the fray and dirty his newly bought armor, considering the disease ridden peasants they were facing "beneath his skill and, frankly, disgusting beyond belief".

So, the Flawless Four and that Uptight Tw-at fighting for Finubar, the Phoenix King, kicked the ball and pressed on towards the ball. Defense? Bah. Tactics? Bah. A High Elf lord does not crave those things. Always one step ahead of the slow, shambling rotten carcasses of the Symptoms, the Flawless Five Minus the Childish Snob that Should Just Do His Job, Really, pestered the pestigor ball carrier. The poor, deformed beast tried, but couldn't withstand the shining helmets blinding his eyes, the overpowering presence of the High Elves inner power and their constant sarcasm about his absolute lack of fashion. P. PoisonTongue decided that enough was enough and committed ritual suicide, falling on his mutated horns.

The immediate consequence of the above was the elves snatching the ball and scoring at the end of the first half. The most long lasting consequence is new anti-bullying regulations being put in place to avoid such a tragic event happening ever again. People come to the match to see elves being smashed in the head, not them making a pestigor depressed. It is not good for the showbizz.

The second half started with a fast pass play, that saw the Flawless Four but not The Other One That Thinks He Is Too Good For The Rest Of Us go 2-0. Without their ball carrier, the Nurgle team tried to scramble something somewhat looking like an offensive drive but the bloater was intercepted on the side line and Prince Finorfin threw a beautiful long bomb (on his second try, ok) for the final 3-0.

The High Elves had won the game and the confirmation bias of their coach saw how many 8s were rolled for armor and knew High Elves were the right choice. Dark what? Never heard of those.

[MacHurto]

PRESEASON MATCHES 2, 3, 4

Below an extract of the post match notes from Prince Fingalfin, one of the Flawless Five:

Flawless Five vs Striking Stags
TD 3-1
CAS 3-0

So, I refuse to play a match and I get to be the scribe? Gosh, am I bored already. Match against our lesser cousins. How can half naked barbarians be a challenge? At least there was a big crowd watching, apparently from the League Final, and wood elves, despite not showering, smell of grass, which is tolerable. Between my awesomeness and the Grease spell Finorfin casted on their players gloves, we had no trouble. As expected. We are the Flawless Five, after all.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Flawless Five vs Karak Dron Grudgekeepers
TD 3-1
CAS 1-2

Ugh, they are so ugly. Those midget faces with their stupid beards. Can't stand them. Anyway, we made short work of those dwarves. Tenacious little laborers they are, I gotta give them that. We allowed them to score a touchdown to avoid being in that Book of Grudges of theirs. They always somehow manage to call in the middle of the night to remind you: "We haven't forgotten, yada-yada". Pathetic. No need for the service to be bothered by it.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Flawless Five vs Har Ganeth Flayers
TD 4-0
CAS 1-1

Dark Elves. Bah. Seen one, seen all. "Uuuh, we are so sneaky" "Look, I got a dagger" ""High elves are mean to us so we run to Naggaroth". They are worthless. Even their fans realised our awesomeness pretty quickly and threw the ball in our direction as soon as they got hold of it. Duke Fingor, with 3 TD and 2 completitions did an adequate match. For someone of his lesser stature, of course. The last touchdown, for the final 4-0, was the only one that really mattered. Who scored that one? Prince Fingalfin, bi***es. Buya!

Note on the side of the page: Language! What is this, a human brothel? Signed: Prince Finorfin

[MacHurto]

Not sure I will have time for the last 2 pre-season matches, but so far so good. 7 skill ups, 2 of them stat ups (MV8 Blitzer and AG5 catcher). AR8 has made a big difference so far when nobody is developed enough to have MB.

[MacHurto]

Flawless Five vs Madland Marauders

TD 1-2
CAS 0-4

The Flawless Five were not keen on playing another game of puny pre-season but the contract was clear: Five Fixtures For the Flawless Five.

So, there they went into the game against their will. Match started lightning fast. The Flawless Five kicked, stole the ball and scored. 1-0.

After that, all of a sudden and without apparent reason, they all feigned injuries and left the game, being replaced by a bunch of proxies. The rest of the game saw an epic come back from the Marauders who managed to win the match with a second touchdown in the last seconds of the last half.

"Who won what? Do I know you? Security!" reacted in surprise Prince Fingalfin, after the shocking defeat of his team, once our intrepid Tweek! Magazine reporter managed to locate his Manor and infiltrate it. The sewers. They never check the sewers.

---------------------

Well, lost against a TV1000 Chaos Pact team. On paper, despite them having a good coach, it seemed like the odds were in my favour but this is Blood Bowl. First half ended 1-1 and I had the drive for the second half. After several double ones and 4 BH in the first 3 turns of 2H, there was little left to do. At least nobody died

For the regular, depending on the meta, I might get Bo Gallanté as a rostered Star Player. It is not a very good choice (either no rostered star or Eldril is better) but he fits the theme of the team perfectly and I am a sucker for a good story

[MacHurto]

The Flawless Five are happy to announce a long lasting partnership with Ferrati.

"It is exactly what we were looking for" said Ikit Claw, Chief Warlock of Clan Skyre and Chief Executive Officer of Ferrati "The Flawless Five incarnate all the qualities of Ferrati: Speed, Precision, panache and, above all, contempt for everyone driving other cars"

"For a car designed by a race of mutated, impious rats it is acceptable." admitted Prince Finorfin "They owe us a favour for letting them put their dirty advertisement in our armor, really".

The deal will include a set of performances by Ferrati's most recognisable Blood Bowl face: Bo Gallanté.

"I am very excited to play with the Flawless Five." said a smiling Gallanté while writing autographs to the fans "They are almost not utterly hopeless".

-----------------------------

I attach the logo for Ferrati something I am quite proud of, given I use Microsoft Paint! Anyone who likes it, is free to use it. After all, I just copy pasted together some stuff in the internet that I don’t own.

[MacHurto]

Below an extract of the post match notes from Prince Fingalfin, one of the Flawless Five:

Flawless Five vs Karak- Kayak Slayers

TD 2-3
CAS 0-6


Oh. My. God. Honestly, do we have to do everything ourselves? Me and my 4 buddies, also know as the Flawless Five, absolutely kill it in the first half. Those useless, smelly Dwarfs get the ball. Boom. Steal and score. They get the ball again. Boom. Rinse and repeat.

Now, the Flawless Five are fantastic, everyone knows that. But even we got to admit Bo Gallanté knows all the chicks. You cannot really expect the Flawless Five to play a whole match against some hill billies. Anyway, 2-0, right? What's the worst that can happen? The Phoenix King's cousin happened.

"Let him play, he is a huge fan" they said. "He really knows tactics" they pointed out. "He is *his* cousin, you know" they threatened.

2-3. two mother-Farming three. No way that guy steps on the field again.

Flawless Five vs Madland Marauders

TD 3-2
CAS 0-5

"The Royal cousin is here and would like a second chance". You know you will have to work extra hard on the first half (cannot be bothered playing two halves, got important things to do) if you don't want another disaster.

This time we scored 3 touchdowns in one half. Three. Not one. Not two. Three. From what I hear, we had to bribe the referee heavily to end the match prematurely after conceding 2 touchdowns in 37 seconds. His Highness incompetence knows no bounds. He might as well be a wood elf!

--------------------------

Now, the first match with the dwarves went my way on the first half thanks to a Blitz! but non MB casualties ranked up and started the second half with 6 players. Could have won, but saw the wrong play (2D with wrestle ball carrier instead of something slightier easier, for winning 3-2) and that 1/81 (had a RR) hit me. Then the dwarves dodged, GFIed and passed with AG2 and scored. These games happen.

The match against Chaos Pact started with rain. Scored 3 times in defense. When it was my turn to attack (in the second half) I started rolling 1 RR 1 and getting casualties against and ended 3-2. Crazy luck swings in both games.

Bo Galanté has been pretty useful. He will be even more useful when I remember he has side step 11 CAS against in two matches against either takle but no MB or MB but no takle doesn't bode well against my next opponent: a fully fledged MB Takle orcs (all blitzers). And I only have one catcher and one blitzer available! Anyway, Nuffle will decide.

[MacHurto]

Below an extract of the post match notes from Prince Fingalfin, one [stricken through] the one of the Flawless Five:

Flawless Five vs Bloodmoon Berserkerz

TD 2-0
CAS 0-1

Ugh. Orcs. And I thought they smelled bad on the outside. Disgusting creatures, really. We didn't really feel like they were worth our effort so Prince Finarfin just hired a promising chap that Gallanté recommended. Some bohemian acrobat name Eldril. Now, I don't endorse his absolutely distasteful, harlequinian fashion sense but it was either that or having to teach those orcs a lesson by myself. Yawn.

Money well spent, though. Early touchdown to show those filthy green beasts who's boss and when they thought they were gonna score, he came out of nowhere, intercepted a pass and scored the final 2-0.

Oh, Moranion (Moronion, most likely) called again. "Wanna play with the Flawless Five". "Let me serve my King". "yada-yada" or whatever else I don't really care about that he said. Shoo! If you wanted to be cool, then don't participate in Dance with the Stars. Leave us alone

[Disclaimer: The Flawless Five Inc do not endorse the above views of Prince Moranion and they are solely the opinions of the writer.]

Flawless Five vs Orcloaf Pummelers
TD 2-0
CAS 1-3 (0-1 kills)

Orcs again. Ugh. Choices were to teach them a lesson ourselves or associate with Moron... High Prince Moranion [:eyeroll]. So, we taught them a lesson. Two lessons, really. One per half. Score in defense, score in offense... We only lack to score in the half time, now. Next match.

By the way, those new magical kinetic absorbers in the armor are working as intended, at least 10 of them. Too bad for Bel-Caron the Bold. May the Phoenix Guard find a replacement for him quickly. We got Nurgle next and I don't want to have to touch those things.

--------------------------

Games went pretty well. Eldril made up for a 250k difference in TV for the first match. Second match was similar TVs and I succeeded a couple of 1d blocks that tipped the match.

[MacHurto]

Flawless Five - Symptoms of Disease

TD 2-1
CAS 1-1

Nurgle... Disgustful? Yes. Revolting? Without a doubt. Repulsive, sickening, nauseating and unpalatable? No arguments there. These foul, misguided simpletons following Nurgle are, as the peasants would put it, gross. However, I feel they must be recognized for something: While only marginally more abominable than orcs or dwarfs, they do recognize they are repugnant unlike the lesser races.

Anyway, I digress. The match. Score on defense: Check. Score on offense: Check. Leaving before the end of the second half to make sure we arrived in time to the Opera: Check.

I hear Prince Finorfin recovers well after politely declining to exchange shirts with a rotter fan and getting a hug instead. Luckily Gobbo No-risk sponsored the match and we had access to all those antibiotics. Speaking of which, note to self: Apparently, offering antibiotics to Nurgle followers constitutes both a mercy and a foul in this game. Strange rules.

----

Did you know that... The Flawless Five have recently been on the spotlight for, despite all odds, winning their latest fixtures. Their coach keeps claiming they are just lucky... But we are certain that the large referee bribes and the happy trigger use of illegal high elf magic are the reasons behind it!

[sann0638]

Thanks for putting the effort in. Do you really only have 5 positionals?

[MacHurto]

Thanks for putting the effort in. Do you really only have 5 positionals?

Well, thanks for reading it!

Only the 5 original positionals, yes. Thought about adding a catcher but then decided to roster Bo Gallante both because it fits the fluff and because he is already skilled. It is a short league (9 matches) with all bash (except for 2 elf teams) and another AR7 catcher means having to prioritize him to skill him up for protection while the others are still developing. I am 2 SPP from getting 3 skills on both catchers/blitzers so will likely buy a 3rd catcher soon

The idea is to have Bo for the regular season (he is being surprisingly useful, actually, with his MV11) and then change gears for play-offs rostering Eldril and catching the other teams by surprise (more or less) with HG.

[MacHurto]

The Flawless Five vs Sissy Samurais
TD 5-1
CAS 3-2 (0-1 Kills)

The Dinner Dome... What a disgraceful name for a stadium. Great snacks, though. Also, it is always a joy to play against these fat fellows. Halflings are, naturally, a lesser race, but... [crossed out paragraph made unintelligible]

It has come to my attention thanks to Prince Finorfin that we did indeed not play halflings but our lesser, dirt smelling, moss eating, tree hanging cousins. That explains the shirtless fellows. However, why would they keep going out of the gridiron to eat more sausages is beyond comprehension. Disgustingly mannerless for an elf.

The sausages must have been good, I admit, as one of the halfling fans threw one of those instead of the usual rock and a pitch invasion followed. In any case, the score says it all. As much as it pains me to admit it, we might, perhaps, have been more interested on the game than the opponent. So unlike us, to be carried away by this brutish entertainment. The stinking, cheerful enthusiasm of these low-lifes following the team is starting to stick.

The Flawless Five vs Green POWs
TD 0-0
CAS 0-4

I must admit that, before meeting the Green POWs' my opinion of orcs was pretty poor. They are sluggish, ugly, dirty and have abysmal table manners. As a matter of fact, they hardly use tables. They also seem to be dim witted, with little understanding of the rules of the game beyond its simplest form of senseless violence.

That opinion, after meeting the POW's, has not changed. The only reason we drew the match was because the stad... Well, can it really be called that? The revolting pit of mud where they wanted us to play was beyond anything we could accept under any circumstances. None of the Five was going to get anywhere near it. The Phoenix Guard played it. A brave sacrifice that will always be remembered. After all, those dirt stains will never totally disappear. Neither will the smell. Ugh.

-----------------

So far 5-1-1 in the league. 2 more matches and then play-offs. The team is currently:

Bo Gallanté (rostered)
Thrower with Accurate
Blitzer with Dodge, Side Step, Diving Takle
Blitzer with Dodge, MV8, Takle
Catcher with AG5 Blodge
Catcher with Dodge, Wrestle, Strip Ball
Lineman with Kick
Lineman with Wrestle
Rest are unskilled linemen

[MacHurto]

The Flawless Five vs Tzeench Eagles
TD 2-1
CAS 0-1

Why do we even allow the violent and evil mases of Chaos into this sport is beyond me. I still remember the good old times when the only good beastman was a dead beastman. In the field of battle, like it should be. But no, nowadays, the crowd goes wild every time one of these cowmen charges head on. Sign of the end of times, I presume.

Regardless, we won the match, as was to be expected when the Five (and in particular me, Prince Fingalfin) grace the field with our presence. These creatures are not only filthy and abhorrent. They share traits from both cow and men, with their brain being from the former (not that getting the latter's would be significantly better, mind you). A normal toe to toe match was just not possible with such vile creatures so instead we entertained the crown by giving a bullfighting masterclass. It was actually loads of fun (in a dirty and peasantly kind of way, of course) but all things must end, and we put them in their place with a last second, perfectly executed long bomb. By me, of course.

----------------------------------

The Chaos coach lacked takle and was not particularly lucky with his armor rolls, so that didn't work in his advantage.

1st half was very slow/tactical with the elves screening and chaos scoring in turn 8 after a no RR 4+,3+,2+,2+ screen dodge with their AG4 ball carrier. I failed the OTTD with Gallanté.

2nd half, the elves scored quickly and played more aggressively, popping the ball and running for a second score, just needing a 2d push to end the game. 2 skulls later, the ball went in the crowd who passed it all the way (12 squares) in the wrong direction. Elf bullshit came to the rescue with picking up in takle zones, long bomb, catch in taklezones, dodges and GFIs for the final 2-1. That's Blood Bowl!

[MacHurto]

The Flawless Five vs Khaine Disciples
TD 3-3
CAS 0-2

Now, I admit I despise all these mongrels playing this game as much as the next elf. None of the rabble truly understand the uncanny beauty of a well executed pass play. The eery anxiety before busting a cage open. The stoic endurance of me and my fellows when playing races of disgusting, sweaty, smelly peasants. We don't get payed enough, I tell you. But, there is something I despise even more: Our wretched, corrupt cousins from Naggaroth.

They are depraved and despicable, two qualities which help them win over the fans, but smart enough to understand the game beyond the asinine "score there" or "hit here", so unfortunately common among lesser races. And, as we learned during the match, having the moral high ground is not that useful when they push you into the lower stands!

I admit we were initially taken aback. Powerless to stop their offense and unable to stall our offense, the match became a shoot-out between two unstoppable and antagonic forces. Light and Darkness. Good and Evil. McMurtys and Nurgle King. And when all was lost, there it was. 13 seconds left and one last drive. All or nothing. The race of the century. Bo Gallanté's specialty and a chance to prove the 500k gold pieces we have paid him this season were not a waste.

Of course, he suddenly became "indisposed" and left. We have later learned he cannot play Dark Elves teams due to some vendetta with some guy called Horkon. Whatever. We fired his ass and Duke Fingor saved our honor, running like a [added note on the side saying: "graceful and exquisite"] madman and scoring the draw.

​Now, who will we hire for play-offs? We need a known face so he can keep the riffraff asking for autographs away from the rest of us.​

​---------------------
Dark elf team with 2x AG5 (one with leap) blitzers, some guard and takle. Would be more fair to lose but OTTD sometimes happens!
My AG5 catcher skilled up and got AG6. Sub optimal choice, I feel, compared to Leap, but the team follows Rule of Cool more than anything

---------------------
​BREAKING NEWS

In an unexpected move, Bo Gallanté and the Flawless Five have decided to jointly, ​in a collaborative, mutually agreed ​decision, part ways. While the Flawless Five prepare for play-offs, Bo will return to the general circuit to offer his services to other worthy teams.

​"It was an absolutely wondrous experience​ to play with these guys" he told Tweek! "Total Legends. In these 9 games I have grown both as an elf and as a player and I thank them for the opportunity and experience."

​The Flawless Five were unavailable for comments. Apparently, they have locked the sewer entrances to their mansion with powerful high elf magic. ​

[MacHurto]

MORE BREAKING NEWS

​The Flawless Five is happy to announce another star signing for the rest of the season! With a 3 match contract, Eldril SideWinder will join the team from Ulthuan to help them in their quest to win the Hafnia League.

""Eldril Sidewinder is the best" said the team's spokesman, strangely stiff and immobile, with a robotic voice "All glory to Eldril Sidewinder"

Eldril was unavailable for comments because today is Tuesday and his Tuesday persona does not offer interviews. We will try again tomorrow.​

[MacHurto]

Official statement on behalf of the Flawless Five:

TREASON! Apparently, Nurgle was the Chaos God that gifted Eldril with his Hypnotic Gaze and he owes him one. Before we knew it, he had convinced the Phoenix Guard that their contract (their WHAT??) was only for regular season and they went on strike (ON STRIKE! didn’t even know that concept existed!) as soon as the referee signaled the beginning of the match.

Took until half time to get them to accept new terms and then, Eldril (which in his defense is a very reasonable elf. For some reason I cannot think of anything bad about him) convinced them that Nurgle’s health plan was better than ours and they went off to sign with them. Their HEALTH PLAN. From a NURGLE TEAM. Preposterous. We didn’t offer anything, of course, but that is still better!

Anyway, we were already bored of the low quality and standing of our opponents. We have bigger fishes to fry and lots of clothes to thoroughly clean.

Good riddance!

—————————

Lost 2-1 the 1/4 final against Nurgle. They defended the ball carrier well, got KO/CAS early on in both halves and all 1d shots at the ball carrier (sure hands but no block) which were 5-6 I think, failed. It was a fun team to play, but they lack lots of skills (TV 1500 without Eldril). At least I got the “Most TD” price in regular! Let’s see next season. Probably trying Khemri!