The Gipfel Gits or how not to play halflings

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MacHurto
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The Gipfel Gits or how not to play halflings

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Ok, so Season VII started and I decided to make a halfling team. Can't remember why as my February self thought it was a great idea but my present self just kind of hates that guy, now.

The Gits come from Gipfel a small little town in the Moot who gets smaller after each game, as the injured players are sacrificed to the unspeakable evil that inhabits the town. After 4 matches only 83 souls remain. Will just use this thread to log the match reports. They will be pretty standard, but hope you like them!

Grateful Undead vs Gipfel Gits

TD 1-1
CAS 4-1
Gipfel citizens left 83

Another uphill battle for the Gits, which after falling flat against sneaky dark elves and unrelenting undead in pre-season, faced the might of blood craving vampires at the start of Season 7.

Knowing their chances to be, ironically, slim, the Gits decided to do two things:

1. Prepare a large contingency of Stoutheart Blood Sausages
2. Hire Vampire nemesis Karla Von Kill

As usual with the Gits, both backfired.

The Stoutheart Blood Sausages worked great to start with. Vampires barely picked on the halflings, full from the free servings. However, that also meant they didn't even try to eat their own teammates!

Turned out Karla Von Kill was not the right human (they all look the same. How would we know?). The one we were looking for was someone else called Zara. Karla also seemed to have taken a pre-match meal too many, as all she did in the first half was NOT pick up the ball, NOT blitz someone to the ground and NOT dodge, tripping over her own feet and ending up sleeping the rest of the match, only 1m 47s after kick-off.
Not surprisingly, the Gits botched their offense in the first half and retired a couple of their own players throwing them around for the giggles.

The second half was a typical Anybody vs Halfling match where the poor Gits kept leaving the pitch in droves and ended up with only 3 players on the pitch by the end of the match, where the vampires scored.

End of the match? What are we talking about? There was 30 seconds left on the clock! The coach gathered his team around the shadow of the Earthroot brothers and gave them what looked like a sound beating but must have been some type of Brilliant Coaching. The Gits executed their famous Play 72 flawlessly and left the Grateful undead feeling robbed of a well deserved victory! In the Gits defense, the vampires were probably literally robbed by the Pale Moon Goblins, that had come early to see the end of the match.

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Re: The Gipfel Gits or how not to play halflings

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Pale Moon Small Stars vs Gipfel Gits
TD 0-1
CAS 3-2
Gipfel citizens left 83

Victory! The Gits finally took the advice given to bullies all over the Old World and fought against someone their own size. And won!

Matches between Halflings and Goblins are always a delight, as plans go down the drain earlier than usual. The match ceremoniously started by a troll falling on his face almost before kick off for no apparent reason, followed by a halfling tripping on a banana peel he had just eaten. Just like that, 5 minutes of the first half had passed. Time flies when you are having fun!

The teams tried to pull themselves together and failed miserably, under the deafening laughter coming from the stands. Trolls moving aimlessly, Trees throwing halflings directly to the dug-outs (why waste time). Goblins impaling themselves on the branches... And halflings trying to pick up the ball, under the rain, for 22 consecutive minutes, unsuccessfully.

The goblins finally got tired of that, realised it was their drive, picked up and passed to a lone receiver... Who never got the ball because Oskar Thistlebrand, the Gits star catcher (certainly not their star pick-uper, let me tell you that) intercepted the pass!!! And then fell flat on his back trying to run to the end zone.

Just like that, half time had arrived and a good break was had by all, thanks to the ever present Halfling Chef.

On the second half, the Gits after several unsuccessful attempts, picked up the ball and slowly made their way towards the end zone. Big Jobo Hairyfoot, who had suddenly appeared, made short work of the goblin chainsaw, who seemed to be the only threat.

The goblins, though, would have none of it. A suicidal yet heroic blitz popped the ball, which the goblins quickly picked up (how the hell do they make that look so easy?) and passed to an unmarked receiver... Who never got the ball because Oskar Thistlebrand, the Gits star catcher (certainly not their star pick-uper, let me tell you that) intercepted the pass!!! (yes, copy pasted it. Halflings don't want to repeat work. Hell, they don't want to work at all!).

This time, the coach was ready and had set up a huge chocolate cake at the goblin end zone. Oskar saw it and run as fast as his little legs allowed him, scoring just before the end of the match. Woohoo!

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Re: The Gipfel Gits or how not to play halflings

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You've certainly seen the humour in playing #FlingNation. Good read :)

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Re: The Gipfel Gits or how not to play halflings

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lunchmoney wrote:You've certainly seen the humour in playing #FlingNation. Good read :)
Thanks! Happy you liked it :-)

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Re: The Gipfel Gits or how not to play halflings

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Yeah, another great blog from you!!!

Eager to read more

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Re: The Gipfel Gits or how not to play halflings

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Smackville Jaguars vs Gipfel Gits
TD 2-1
CAS 5-3
Gipfel citizens left 82

The match yesterday pitted our beloved Gits against the Smacksonville Jaguars, a band of ale-fueled maniacs from nordic lands. The Jaguars had just faced off the infamous Halfling Pot, used by the Green Valley Giants, and the results were too clear to miss: 8 players had survived the encounter, mostly linemen. 

On paper, the odds favored the Gits but, in retrospective, they should not have used a paper. Shortly before kick-off, thick, black clouds started pouring rain. The paper that had the odds got wet and ilegible. It all went downhill from there.

Everything the Chef had cooked got destroyed, which only had the result of infuriating the Jaguars even more. The Gits fans, cheated of their promised free burguers, left the stadium in droves. The Gits players followed soon after, due to a combination of well placed blocks, sneaky boots and halfling players being hungry and running to the nearest shop. The half ended with the Gits down by one touchdown and little hope for recovery.

But, defeat is not the Gits way. I mean, it is, clearly, but they do have a winning mentality. They made a couple of crystal ball calls and the legendary Puggy Baconbreath appeared at the start of the second half! Puggy got the ball and, (loosely) protected by the rest of his now (expendable) teammates, blitzed his way into a 75 yard running touchdown! What a hero! That is a halfling one could trust a ring with, I tell you. Another draw! We are undefeated! Hoor...

Wait, what are the fans doing? Are th... Wh... Hmmm... I am not sure that's the proper way to treat a referee. Oh, ok, seems like the refereee passed away from natural causes. It is natural to pass away if they tear all your limbs away from the rest of your body, after all. We have seen it before on our players. Oh look, a Jaguar's fan puts the referee shirt on! How nice of him to volunteer to be able to end the match. And now he is saying the match is not done? Still 5 minutes left? Well, cannot really blame a drunk, blood bowl loving viking for not understanding watches, I guess. Not really his fault. It is his upbringing. 

With the extra time allowed by the new, impartial referee, the Jaguars managed a running touchdown only 4 minutes after the match had legally ended, giving them the victory. 

Losing the match was bad, of course. Having to sacrifice Oskar Thistlebrand to the unspeakable evil below, after a great career of 2 interceptions, 2 TD and one CAS, was worse. But being hungry for a whole match as the Chef botched the food for the first and second halves? That will never be forgotten. 

----------------------

Match played in BB2 due to COVID. Terrible start, with opponent getting FAME +2, me losing my bribe and a star player in Turn 1 and the chef not getting any RR. Second half was more even, even if no RR were stolen. My opponent graciously skipped turn 14 when I misclicked, so totally fair he got a riot in turn 16, allowing him to win the match.
Yeah, another great blog from you!!!

Eager to read more
Thanks! :-)

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Re: The Gipfel Gits or how not to play halflings

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Green Valley Giants vs Gipfel Gits
TD 0-2
CAS 1-7
Gipfel citizens left 82

And it finally happened. The match all fans were waiting for. The Hafnia Hafning... Halni... Hellfling... Haff... Oh Bugger. Halfling.  That one. Halfling-off!
The Green Valley Giants faced the Gipfel Gits under heavy scrutiny, after their illegal yet awesome (and delicious) Machine Gun Pot* had been banned. That didn't deter both teams from joining forces to provide free and plentiful refreshments for all fans in attendance.

Match started with the Gipfel Gits kicking to the Giants who, in a display of admirable fan service, attempted a pass between two of its fattest players. It all went downhill from there. The Gits had subcontracted the match to Neddley Verrüca and Rumbelow Sheepskin who proceeded to murder the opposing team while the rest of the Gits sat on the grass, on a nice sunny afternoon, with a lavish picnic. 

First half ended with only the Giant's Trees on the field and a score of 1-0 for the Gits. The second half was basically a Star Wars Episode VII shenanigan, where the Gits repeated the first half and expected the fans to be as happy as before. It received mixed reviews, but mainly because most fans were napping by that point, sleeping off all the free food. 

Match ended with tragedy, however, when after carefully pushing away halflings not to hurt them, Thickbud Earthroot tried to avoid injuring a Giant's Hopeful (more senseless than hopeful, but anyway) that blocked him and took a dive. Unfortunately, he fell on the Giant's player (I guess calling him a player is kinda confusing, given his performance. He fell on the halfling) and killed him outright. Sad times.

--------------------------

* There was some confusion in my league and the other halfling player had been using the halfling hot pot as if it could fire a pot once per turn. After that got clarified before our match, I did the following in-game DYK:

Did you know...

...That one of the backwater local leagues became briefly famous this week? #HafniaRules was (old) world trending topic, not because the #HochlandHailers made it to the semifinals of the Dungeon Bowl... But because NAF finally caught on and banned the use of the Machine Gun Pot (TM)!

Usually, deadly contraptions are invented by dwarfs or goblins but, this time, the halflings of the Green Valley Giants attached a dwarf machine gun to their hot pot and rained (delicious) fire on the pitch. After the ban, the Giants fans called for a boycott of NAF, which ended after NAF offered a free hotdog as a compensation.

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Re: The Gipfel Gits or how not to play halflings

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:)

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Re: The Gipfel Gits or how not to play halflings

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Zultans of Zwing vs Gipfel Gits
TD 1-1
CAS 4-1
Gipfel citizens left 81

The Zultans fo Zwing, after some bribing, convinced the Gits to play at their home stadium. It unexpectedly turned out to be a sneaky goblin lie as the muddy, unmarked plain* was clearly not a stadium and it certainly did not feel like home. It didn't even have a kitchen! Or burger stands! Or packs of rabid wild dogs! Wait, it did have some of those, actually. 

The Halfling Chef, given the abysmal working conditions, didn't have its best day and the Gits' performance suffered from it. Not as much as the Gipfel fans, however, many of which were eaten while fleeing from the dog packs. 

In any case, the Gits had come for another stunty-off (they are seldom worth being called matches, after all) and they readied themselves in the unmarked terrain, unsure where the LOS was, where the sidelines were or how to score touchdowns. The last one was not really a bother, as they never really know how to to score touchdowns, anyway. That's what Puggy was there for... But wait. Where was he? Did you forget him in the tavern again? Did he at least pay the tab? Goddamit, Lotto!

Anyway.

The Zultans started with the ball and chaos ensued. By the end of the first half (which was determined by the Zultan's coach, as nobody had watches), they scored a touchdown (also determined by the Zultan's coach, as there were no lines to mark anything) and sent several Gits to the CAS box (which was in the middle of the field, or so it seemed. it really was a mess, what can I say. Both coaches argued about its location for a while until they had to run away from a hungry hound).

Second half saw a sideline running TD attempt by the Gits which ended 3-400 meters from the starting point. The goblins tried to argue that it wasn't a touchdown but, by then, all fans had been chased off and the wild dogs converged on the players. Both teams had to rush the end of the game and flee as fast as their little legs allowed them. 

-------------
* We played with one of those stadium rules from DZ2

The Gits are 2-2-1 and will go to Play-offs if they win the last match! (and, maybe, if they draw it). It is vs Chaos so they will likely lose, though.

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Re: The Gipfel Gits or how not to play halflings

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Just as a final update, lost against the Chaos team 2-0 after failing most 3+ dodges, getting a couple of 3D both down/skull with the trees, and failing the pick up 4 turns in a row. Also, the chef just stole 1 RR in the whole match XD

So, no play off for the halflings. Task failed succesfully, and all that.

Waiting for a match report from the winner. Will post here when/if it comes.

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Re: The Gipfel Gits or how not to play halflings

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Awwwwww so bad... anyway, praise to you for both coaching halflings and writing such lovely reports

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Re: The Gipfel Gits or how not to play halflings

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ulvardar wrote:Awwwwww so bad... anyway, praise to you for both coaching halflings and writing such lovely reports
Thanks! Always very nice to hear people like them :-)

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Re: The Gipfel Gits or how not to play halflings

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That is halfings for you. Is the league accessible online somewhere?

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Re: The Gipfel Gits or how not to play halflings

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kyrre wrote:That is halfings for you. Is the league accessible online somewhere?
No, it is TT. We use a FB page for arranging matches and Google Drive to store the rosters

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