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 Post subject: Exhibition time @ BABBL
 Post Posted: Thu Oct 05, 2017 11:22 pm 
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Joined: Sat Dec 10, 2005 12:59 pm
Posts: 9
Location: Hayward, CA
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This week’s ‘Heldrake’s IPA’-sponsored spotlight is shining on a doozy of an exhibition match brought to us from the World Edge LOL (Lotz of Ogres League) between the Shambletown Shockwave and the Bashful Predators. What started off as a friendly scrimmage soon blossomed into some very respectable carnage.

Ogre teams are known for their nigh-incalculable dichotomy. Enormous fleshy juggernauts covered in armor, backed up by itty-bitty squishy gits who for some reason are concerned about getting the ball into the end zone instead of blocking and tackling. These two teams took to the line jovially shaking hands and wishing each other good luck until the Shockwave’s “Hardcase” Grudox McSlappyFace made a remark about the opposing players Pink-tober outfits and how they matched their armored thongs, going so far as to slap off one of the opposing players shoulder pads. Before the ref could even blow the starting whistle the two teams were mixing it up with vituperative vehemence being levelled by, and against, both sides.

The Predators started the match off right, knocking an opposing ogre from the pitch for the entire game early in the match. With snotlings darting to and fro beneath their heels these brutes slugged it out for the majority of the first half. Finally securing the ball and making his way to his Ogre teammate, Brainscratch, the famous nose-fingering philanderer was twice hoisted for a down field bomb. Twice fumbled, he decides that perhaps a mad dash down field might be his best option for a touchdown. Scampering as fast as his dirty feet would let him he dodged Ogres and opposing snotlings to finally make his way into the end zone for the first touchdown of the game just before the clock wound down.

The half time show was cancelled so the cleanup crews could clear the field of pink shoulder pads, scrambled snotling bodies, and the hoisting of the K-O’ed and injured meat mountains off the field into their respective dugouts. The second half of this “friendly” exhibition game kicked off with the Predators forgetting about punching the opposition and launching Franklin McGriddle (a.k.a. MC Gargle-a-lot) over the front line of the Shockwave and into the history books as the coaches first successful “launch-a-little-git-with-a-really-dumb-lunk-then-run-like-a-scalded-ape” touchdown. The punches flew fast and furious with the only lull in the violence being when Jaws, the team Captain of the Predators, stood opponents-less in the middle of the field pondering the meaning of life for half of the half. With the clock ticking down to a certain 1-1 tie the Shockwave attempted a last-ditch gamble, launching an unlucky teammate down field. The little guy stuck the landing and sprinted toward the end zone not knowing that his underdeveloped hammys would betray him at the last second sending him crashing to the ground in his endzone, ball-less. With mere seconds left on the clock the Predators tried the same trick to no avail and the final buzzer sounded closing the door on this tie game.

Both teams invited the other, and their delicious looking fans, back to their home stadiums for a “real” match in the future. Maybe if the lawyers can sort out the red tape we could see the Ballista himself take the field or even the Mad Barbarian Thrud, who has been seen in the area. A second match would be a wonder to behold, no matter how decimating it would be to the local snotlings population.


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