The Ka-Sabar Killers, a Khemri tale

[MacHurto]

Well, COVID has stopped the TT league so we are trying to move it to BB2. For now we are playing pre-season and see if we have enough people, so there might not be many match reports.

Bad Santas (Slann) vs Ka-Sabar Killers (Khemri)
TD 2-2
CAS 1-2

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"1. In the beginning, Nuffle decreed the Ka-Sabar Killers would receive. 2. Now, the Khemri cage was set, and the spirit of Nuffle was hovering over the Gridiron.
3 And Nuffle said, “Let there be Leap” and there was Leap. Lots of it. 4. Nuffle saw that the Leap was foolproof, and it separated the lucky from the unfaithful. 5. Nuffle called the Leap “3+ easy lmao” and the 3D TG blocks he called “push x3 again, git gud” And there was evening, and there was morning —the first turn.

6.And Nuffle said, “Let there be fouling between the teams to separate men from the leapy heathens” 7. And it was so. 8. Nuffle called fouling “valid BB strategy, noob” And there was evening, and there was morning —the second turn.

9. And Nuffle said, “Let all the 3+ no RR be gathered to one place, and let stupid misclicks appear” And it was so. 10. Nuffle called the stupid misclicks “FFS this interface” and the 3+ no RR he called “[name redacted]” And God saw that it was good.
11. Then Nuffle said, “Let the Leaps produce ball sacking: Thro-Ras KOed in turn 3 and 4+ pick ups that can just be YOLOed". And it was so. 12. The Leaps produced ball carrier sackings, and 4+ pick-up rolls that were just YOLOed. And Nuffle saw that it was good. 13. And there was evening, and there was morning — the third turn."

[...]

2. By the sixteenth turn, Nuffle had finished the work he had been doing; so on the sixteenth turn Nuffle rested from all his work and the Ka-Sabar Killers were allowed to score after a 14 square play involving a 4+ hand off and 2 GFIs under a blizzard 3. Then Nuffle blessed the sixteenth turn and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done, and the Ka-Sabars were blessed along it. [...]"
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Extract from the Sacred Texts of Ka-Sabar

[MacHurto]

Ka-Sabar Killers vs Smokeland Traitors
TD 1-2
CAS 3-0
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[3:1] Now the rats were more crafty than any other team that the Lord Nuffle had made. They said to the thro-ra, "Did Nuffle say, 'You shall not hit any fallen player'?"

[3:2] The thro-ra said to the skaven coach, "We may block all the players on the gridiron;
[3:3] but Nuffle said, 'You shall not hit any fallen player that is in the middle of the field, nor shall you foul it, or you shall be sent off. '"

[3:4] But the skaven coach said to the thro-ra, "You will not be sent off;
[3:5] for Nuffle knows that when you foul, your eyes will be opened, and you will be like Nuffle, knowing RNG strings and evil."

[3:6] So when the thro-ra saw that a skaven was prone for a foul, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that fouling was to be desired to make one wise, the skeletons ganged up and fouled it. And the ball carrier, who was there, helped the foul.

[3:7] Then the snake eyes were rolled, and they knew that they had [censored] up; and they cried a lot in the BB2 chat and cursed their luck.
[3:8] They heard the sound of the Lord Nuffle walking in the field at the time of the 1-1 draw, and the thro-ra and its skeletons hid themselves from the presence of the Lord Nuffle and feared the incoming 1D POWs.

[3:9] But the Lord Nuffle called to the thro-ra, and said to him, "Where are you?"

[3:10] He said, "I heard the sound of you in the field, and I was afraid, because I don't have Block and the rats can do a 1D blitz; and I hid myself."

[3:11] He said, "Who told you leaving the ball carrier beside a prone enemy was a good idea? Have you fouled it when I commanded you not to foul?"

[3:12] The skeleton said, "My coach who should really know better, clicked for me to foul, and I did."

[3:13] Then the Lord Nuffle said to the coach, "What is this that you have done, you absolute [censored]? Now you will lose 2-1" The coach said, "The MV10 gutter runner lying down was too sweet and tricked me, and I fouled."

[3:14] The Lord Nuffle said to the MV10 gutter runner, "Because you have done this, cursed are you among all players and among all stat freaks; scoring one-turners you shall go, and everyone will try to foul and kill you, all the days of your life."
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Extract from the Sacred Texts of Ka-Sabar

[Jayward]

This is glorious!

[MacHurto]

This is glorious!

A bit late from me, but thanks! Always good to see people find these fun. Unfortunately, I didn't play more games with the Khemri team but also thought doing a Bible parody was hilarious.

Maybe after summer, we play a TT fluffy league again and it makes sense to write more reports