Ask Lord Borak!

[falconeyed]

Lady Borak -

I'm a veteran orc blitzer. The next time my mates and I see you on pitch, we're going to foul the hate right out of you. How are you going to respond to two tons of black orc mojo? What'cha gonna do when the Gang Green runs wild on you?

Hugs,
Thog

[Kyojima]

While I'm not Lord Borak, I'd like to point out that Hulkamania hasn't been over in 20 years... And there's more hate there than you can foul.

[skatingtortoise]

Dear Lord Borak.

I am an aspiring chaos warrior of doom and death and stuff, but my penis is too small. i find it helps to take out my frustration by brutally, and mercilesly massacring goblins and halflings and the like on the blood bowl pitch (and off)

is this wrong?

[Lord Borak]

Lady Borak -

I'm a veteran orc blitzer. The next time my mates and I see you on pitch, we're going to foul the hate right out of you. How are you going to respond to two tons of black orc mojo? What'cha gonna do when the Gang Green runs wild on you?

Hugs,
Thog

Dear Thog,
Imitation is the largest form of flattery. You should be wrting your fan mail to someone else, don't you think.

I've got more than enough hate for everyone, so don't you worry.

Borak

[Lord Borak]

While I'm not Lord Borak, I'd like to point out that Hulkamania hasn't been over in 20 years... And there's more hate there than you can foul.

I'm sorry, but when did this become Ask Kyojima? Oh yeah, imitation is the largest form of flattery...

[Lord Borak]

Dear Lord Borak.

I am an aspiring chaos warrior of doom and death and stuff, but my penis is too small. i find it helps to take out my frustration by brutally, and mercilesly massacring goblins and halflings and the like on the blood bowl pitch (and off)

is this wrong?

Dear D*ckless,
Penis-enlargement products aren't difficult to find. Men's magazines, sports radio shows and Internet sites are filled with advertisements for pumps, pills, weights, exercises and surgeries — all of which supposedly can increase the length and width (girth) of your penis. Even if you've never visited an Internet porn site, you've likely received many unsolicited e-mails for products and services that promise to make you more of a man.

These come-ons are based on several stereotypes about men's insecurities. The "male enhancement" industry assumes that every man:

* Is afraid he has a small penis
* Believes he'd be a better lover if he had a bigger penis
* Is looking for a way to safely and effectively increase his penis size

Don't fall for it. No scientific research supports the use of any nonsurgical method to enlarge the penis, and no reputable medical society endorses penis-enlargement surgery performed for purely cosmetic reasons. Because many of these techniques can damage your penis and even cause impotence, think twice before trying any of them.

And for Khorne's sake leave the stunties alone off the pitch,
Borak

[The Florist]

Pray to Slaanesh for tentacles, dicky.

[skatingtortoise]

Dear Lord Borak

Im having trouble sleeping, and i wake up in the mornings covered in blood, and wearing full bloodbowl armour! The villagers have always spoken of an evil spirit in the forest, and I fear i may not have enough energy for my next game!

considering this, should i wear red boots to my next big game, or stick with traditional black?

[Lord Borak]

Pray to Slaanesh for tentacles, dicky.

Dear Florist,
Pray to Slaanesh for testicles, p*ssy. What are you a wood elf?

Borak

[Lord Borak]

Dear Lord Borak

Im having trouble sleeping, and i wake up in the mornings covered in blood, and wearing full bloodbowl armour! The villagers have always spoken of an evil spirit in the forest, and I fear i may not have enough energy for my next game!

considering this, should i wear red boots to my next big game, or stick with traditional black?

Dear Somnambulist,
Sleep walking most often occurs during deep non-REM sleep early in the night. It can also occur during REM sleep near morning.

In adults, sleep walking is usually associated with a disorder of the mind, but may also be seen with reactions to drugs and alcohol, and medical conditions such as partial complex seizures.

One common misconception is that a sleep walker should not be awakened. It is not dangerous to awaken a sleep walker, although it is common for the person to be confused or disoriented for a short time on awakening. Another misconception is that a person cannot be injured when sleep walking. Actually, injuries caused by such things as tripping and loss of balance are common for sleep walkers.

Pick your own boots pansy,
Borak

[Loki]

Dear Lord Borak,

I’m a mediocre rotter lineman. I become concerned about the health benefits offered by Nurgle as I now have more arms than fingers. This loss of body parts is making it increasingly difficult to main and kill in the fashion I would like.

Should I consider switching jobs, how's the package with Khrone?

Thank you,
Rampant Rubella

[gken1]

Dear Lord Borak,

My butt itches but I don't want to end up with a stinky finger.....what should I do?

Itchy Butt

[dkbonnes]

Dear Lord Borak,

I'm a dark elf lineman/loveslave, and my mistress is a witch elf but i'm scared of my mistress, every time she approtches me to do the deed she goes frenzy on me, last time she nearly ripped my little willy off.

What should i do?

Eval Sevol

P.S. I know the awnser to Itchy's problem, put a skaven in frenzy mode whit razer sharp claws up your dark cave.

P.S. Pleas don't be mad at me Lord Borak because i awnsered Itchy's problem I'f got enough of you bloodgod worshippers trying to get up my trouwsers

[Snew]

Dear Lord Borak,

How come 10 matching socks go into the dryer but only 9 come out? Where does that other sock go?

One cold foot

[skatingtortoise]

Dear Lord Borak

I love bloodbowl, but i recently lost my knees in unfortunate Shmelting Accident!

do you have any experience with situations like mine? can you recommend any good prosthetic knee manufacturers? who the hell framed Roger Rabbit???