Ask Lord Borak!

mepmuff · Post by **mepmuff** » Sun Aug 21, 2005 7:18 am

Dear Miss Borak,

I rolled double six. Should I take the strength up?

Sender known by sender.

Snew · Post by **Snew** » Sun Aug 21, 2005 3:28 pm

Dear Lord Borak

My teammates are always getting down on my for not doing what I'm supposed to be doing on the pitch. "You let that guy go right by you they scream". "Why didn't you block that guy?" they rant. "The guys in red and gold are our opponents, not your teammates." they sneer. That doesn't really bother my because I can take out any 2 of them on any day of the week and if I ever meet you or your brother Griff on the pitch, you're in for a bad day. Normal players just don't get me pumped up like you stars do. My problem is this.

I think someone put a spell on me. I need to know why the lint in my belly button is always blue. I don't even wear a blue shirt. I don't even wear a shirt. For the record, that's what I'm always thinking about when I let the opponent by. I'm not really stupid, just more distracted!

transcribed for Phlegmy Snotstrings, Troll for Da Pimps of Pain, by Ritter Scramp, scribe of Da Pimps of Pain

juck101 · Post by **juck101** » Mon Aug 22, 2005 10:45 am

Dear Lord Borak,
I find agony uncles are far less painfull than mother-in-laws. Is my family unique?

malki · Post by **malki** » Mon Aug 22, 2005 12:10 pm

Dear Lord Borak,

I'm the coach for Dwarf team, the 'Midmount Redhelms'. Last year at a tournement the lads only managed to cause one casualty in six games? Is there anything I can do to fire up the guys spirtits and make them killing machines?

Coach Malakai 'Ironface' Manglesson

Darkson · Post by **Darkson** » Mon Aug 22, 2005 6:21 pm

Dear Lord Borak,

I know I'm right, and I know I have the best set of rules for Bloodbowl ever, but 99.99% of all the bloodbowl coaches in the world disagree with me.

how can I show them I right?

Toby

(Posted for him by me as the little f*ckwit is banned!)

Lord Borak · Post by **Lord Borak** » Mon Aug 22, 2005 9:39 pm

mepmuff wrote:Dear Miss Borak,

I rolled double six. Should I take the strength up?

Sender known by sender.

Dear Philosopher,
I'm glad that you know yourself. I'm just hoping you don't know yourself too regularly.

The sole advantage of power is that you can inflict more pain,
Borak

Lord Borak · Post by **Lord Borak** » Mon Aug 22, 2005 9:44 pm

snotsngrots wrote:Dear Lord Borak

My teammates are always getting down on my for not doing what I'm supposed to be doing on the pitch. "You let that guy go right by you they scream". "Why didn't you block that guy?" they rant. "The guys in red and gold are our opponents, not your teammates." they sneer. That doesn't really bother my because I can take out any 2 of them on any day of the week and if I ever meet you or your brother Griff on the pitch, you're in for a bad day. Normal players just don't get me pumped up like you stars do. My problem is this.

I think someone put a spell on me. I need to know why the lint in my belly button is always blue. I don't even wear a blue shirt. I don't even wear a shirt. For the record, that's what I'm always thinking about when I let the opponent by. I'm not really stupid, just more distracted!

transcribed for Phlegmy Snotstrings, Troll for Da Pimps of Pain, by Ritter Scramp, scribe of Da Pimps of Pain

Dear Corpse,
You might want to start wondering why the world is going black instead. I've arranged to play against you in your next match.

I'd rather be brothers with Freshbreeze,
Borak

Lord Borak · Post by **Lord Borak** » Mon Aug 22, 2005 9:45 pm

juck101 wrote:Dear Lord Borak,
I find agony uncles are far less painfull than mother-in-laws. Is my family unique?

No.

Borak

Lord Borak · Post by **Lord Borak** » Mon Aug 22, 2005 9:47 pm

malki wrote:Dear Lord Borak,

I'm the coach for Dwarf team, the 'Midmount Redhelms'. Last year at a tournement the lads only managed to cause one casualty in six games? Is there anything I can do to fire up the guys spirtits and make them killing machines?

Coach Malakai 'Ironface' Manglesson

Dear Ginger,
What are spirtits? Do your longbeards have man-boobs from hitting the spirits too often? Lay off the booze during the match or just aim for the elf in the middle and not the one on the left or right.

Borak

Lord Borak · Post by **Lord Borak** » Mon Aug 22, 2005 9:49 pm

Darkson wrote:Dear Lord Borak,

I know I'm right, and I know I have the best set of rules for Bloodbowl ever, but 99.99% of all the bloodbowl coaches in the world disagree with me.

how can I show them I right?

Toby

(Posted for him by me as the little f*ckwit is banned!)

Dear F*ckwit,
There's no place for rules in Blood Bowl. There's no place for your rules in the world.

Look into martyrdom...it's the only way they'll see you're right,
Borak

skatingtortoise · Post by **skatingtortoise** » Tue Aug 23, 2005 9:15 pm

dear Borak, how do you get your armour so nice and shiny?

lawquoter · Post by **lawquoter** » Wed Aug 24, 2005 1:36 am

Dear Lord Borak,

I am a hopelessly overworked, underpaid, and disrespected match official (note: not a "ref" or "zebra") that needs to try to figure out how to better implement the rules of the game. Physical play is accepted and one thing, but certain conduct cannot be tolerated. For example, last week, in a match I officiated between the Giants and the Low Down Ratz, there were so many illegal weapons that I set a new record for ejections (25). Was I thanked by the hard working, legitimate players? No! Did the fans thank me for kicking two Ratz off the pitch because they had failed their random screening for performance enhancing drugs No! After I tossed out a dwarf trying to sneak a bazooka on the pitch underneath his shirt, both teams started chasing me! I barely got out in tact!

How can we match officials get more respect for doing an impossible job for the game we love?

Sincerely,

A certain unnamed blood bowl match official.

slup · Post by **slup** » Wed Aug 24, 2005 7:12 am

Dear worshipper of untold horrors.

I am a star wardancer on the team "Jump around".
On our team is a good strong treeman (he is a spruce) which does a lot of that horrible thing called blocking.
But lately he has begun dressing up strangely.
He wears hearts and candles all over.
He even wears a star as a hat and to say the least it is not latest fashion.
We have lost at least one clothes-sponsor on this behalf (Hugo Warboss).
What do we do?

Sincerely,

Laerioneariamoahtion

hoomin_erra · Post by **hoomin_erra** » Wed Aug 24, 2005 8:41 am

Hugo Warboss, gotta remember that one!!!

gken1 · Post by **gken1** » Wed Aug 24, 2005 12:40 pm

Dear Lord Borak,

I'm an up and coming Chaos Warrior that has grown Claws and Razor Sharp Fangs. With these two chaos gifts I am able to slaughter teams all by myself, but I'm finding less and less teams will play me now and I really miss playing BLOOD BOWL!

What should I do to get more games? ....trim my claws??? file my teeth??

Respectfully,

Johnny McFoulsmash