Ask Lord Borak!

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Lord Borak
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Ask Lord Borak!

Post by Lord Borak »

Ok, I'm bored...

I might as well answer some more fan mail...

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Grumbledook
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Post by Grumbledook »

surprised this hasn't been done sooner

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Dark Lord (retired)

Post by Dark Lord (retired) »

Dear Lord Borak,

Sometimes people say I'm aggro...and it hurts my feelings.

I thought about killing them all but that's a lot of work.

What I should I do?

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Post by MattShepherd »

Dude, I was bored and I started this whole, like, poll about new elf teams and now I'm just ... I mean, I feel like you're not bringing a lot to the table here, you know?

Ah, fine.

What advice would you give to a young bloodbowl player with stars in his eyes and a song, yea, a song in his heart?

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Tritex
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Post by Tritex »

MattShepherd wrote:Dude, I was bored and I started this whole, like, poll about new elf teams and now I'm just ... I mean, I feel like you're not bringing a lot to the table here, you know?
Agreed - Nice thought but a bit of story or post literature would add to the spirit of it! :oops:

Heres hoping you liven it up with your responses:

From Mr Ripper Bolgrot 'Please Mr Borak I'm having difficulty with a dodgey fling toe thats stuck in my tooth, I know I shouldn't have eaten him but I think I may now be coming down with 'Foot in Mouth disease' :cry:

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browwnrob
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Post by browwnrob »

Dear Lord "Agony Aunt" Borak,

My name is Gregor Lukash, star blitzer for the Vynheim Valkyries. Ive been feeling a bit down since I was rejected for a job, an agony aunt job, a job that you have unfairly taken from me! I'm a very shy and sensitive norseman, and I take a lot of stick for it in the locker-room, but Dear Lord Borak, how did you get this job above me?! I would have been perfect for the job, ! What did you do to get it! Was it some sort of Khorne intervention???

Weepily

Gregor Lukash

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I am selling off full teams that are unpainted as yet but would prefer to sell them painted, I have lots of teams, PM me if you are interested
Lord Borak
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Post by Lord Borak »

Grumbledook wrote:surprised this hasn't been done sooner
Are you saying I'm not innovative? You write a book on 4,238 ways to Cremate a Kroxigor and then you can talk.

p.s. How's the boy band going?

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Lord Borak
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Post by Lord Borak »

Dark Lord wrote:Dear Lord Borak,

Sometimes people say I'm aggro...and it hurts my feelings.

I thought about killing them all but that's a lot of work.

What I should I do?
Dear Lazy F*ck,
They're not gonna die unless you put the boot to their head. Now get to work!

Make some progress or I'll stop by for a visit,

Borak

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Lord Borak
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Post by Lord Borak »

MattShepherd wrote:Dude, I was bored and I started this whole, like, poll about new elf teams and now I'm just ... I mean, I feel like you're not bringing a lot to the table here, you know?

Ah, fine.

What advice would you give to a young bloodbowl player with stars in his eyes and a song, yea, a song in his heart?
Dear Rookie,
First things first, rip that useless organ called a heart from your chest. This is Blood Bowl.

What's next? Bellerinas on the pitch? Where do they get these guys?

Borak

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Lord Borak
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Post by Lord Borak »

Margaretthorn wrote:
From Mr Ripper Bolgrot 'Please Mr Borak I'm having difficulty with a dodgey fling toe thats stuck in my tooth, I know I shouldn't have eaten him but I think I may now be coming down with 'Foot in Mouth disease' :cry:
For Khorne's sake I thought you got rid of Really Stupid?! Do I look like a friggin' dentist?

Go away,

Borak

p.s. Remind me to make sure you don't regenerate next time we're on the pitch.

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Lord Borak
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Post by Lord Borak »

browwnrob wrote:Dear Lord "Agony Aunt" Borak,

My name is Gregor Lukash, star blitzer for the Vynheim Valkyries. Ive been feeling a bit down since I was rejected for a job, an agony aunt job, a job that you have unfairly taken from me! I'm a very shy and sensitive norseman, and I take a lot of stick for it in the locker-room, but Dear Lord Borak, how did you get this job above me?! I would have been perfect for the job, ! What did you do to get it! Was it some sort of Khorne intervention???

Weepily

Gregor Lukash
Dear Gregor,
I absolutely never want to hear again about how much stick you're taking in the locker room. Just because you cross dress doesn't qualify you I'm afraid.

Thank Khorne I don't play for Norse squads,

Borak

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Dave
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Post by Dave »

Dear Lord Borak

Jon's boy band is actually pretty good but that aside ..

As a commisioner of one of the Nether-lands biggest leagues I get to deal with various kinds of coaches. One is currently trying to date with an ogre while others prefer the company of halflings.

How do I 'position' myself when the Ogre-lover wants a while the Halfling-friend prefers b or vice-versa ??

And then maybe even more important .. how to deal with non-showups or dropouts ??

I await your advice ..

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Post by Duke Jan »

Dear Lord Borak,

More and more blood bowl coaches appear to have discovered the art of procreation. Does this mean that Blood Bowl is finally going to become a multi-billion business or is the sky about to fall? And if so should I get an umbrella? Or would it be more appropriate to sacrifice the opponent's coach his kids?

A coach who fears the day is near when Blood Bowl is officially to be played in a ball pit.

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Lord Borak
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Post by Lord Borak »

Dave wrote:Dear Lord Borak

Jon's boy band is actually pretty good but that aside ..

As a commisioner of one of the Nether-lands biggest leagues I get to deal with various kinds of coaches. One is currently trying to date with an ogre while others prefer the company of halflings.

How do I 'position' myself when the Ogre-lover wants a while the Halfling-friend prefers b or vice-versa ??

And then maybe even more important .. how to deal with non-showups or dropouts ??

I await your advice ..
Dear Boy Band Groupie,
You're pulling my leg, right? You actually wrote to me to defend a boy band? It's no wonder coaches are leaving your league. Do you have house rules against fouling and block dice too? Don't start talking about positions and ogres and halflings in the same sentence. You'll get me all hot and bothered.

Your last question is an easy one. If someone doesn't show then I play for their opponent, after receiving my 80,000 fee of course from the coffers of the no-show. As for dropouts, hunt them down and start a spleen collection. I have 5,786. Let me know when you have a few and we can compare notes.

Borak

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Lord Borak
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Post by Lord Borak »

Duke Jan wrote:Dear Lord Borak,

More and more blood bowl coaches appear to have discovered the art of procreation. Does this mean that Blood Bowl is finally going to become a multi-billion business or is the sky about to fall? And if so should I get an umbrella? Or would it be more appropriate to sacrifice the opponent's coach his kids?

A coach who fears the day is near when Blood Bowl is officially to be played in a ball pit.
F*cking goats doesn't count. There are too many beastmen around anyways...

Borak

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